10 Skills you should develop

New Life At Ease
Jun 22, 2020
11 min read

Updated: Jul 13, 2020

These are the 10 skills you should develop. These will help you improve your life and also connect with people. These are step-by-step process which will make your performance in your work or studies better. These are the very basic skills to develop or improve.

1. Speaking up

2. Be honest with yourself

3. Having confidence

4. Listening

5. Managing your time

6. Stop Whining

7. Self-discipline

8. Living at the present

9. Good sleep

10. More Emotional Intelligence

1. Speaking up

Communication skills are the key to successful, healthy relationships. Do you find it hard to speak up for yourself? Are you afraid of what might happen if you say how you really feel?

If you spent a lot of your life around unsafe people, at some point you probably decided that it’s better to stay silent about things that matter to you. In certain situations this is adaptive, but for most it isn’t.

It is time to break your silence?

If you keep quiet you will never get what you want. You would have got that deal or that thing you wanted if you decide to talk or ask someone. You would have got the solution to the problem if you would have asked for help. Silence is never the key to success. Yes, you have to be silent in stupid situations but when it is needed you should put your words up. You have to express what you think, what you need. Unless you speak you no one will understand you unless they are mind readers.

Before you speak up, get clear about what it is you need to say and why.

1) Pay attention when you feel resentful.

Ask yourself why. Get clear about what is bothering you and why you need to speak up. Plan how you might express this effectively. Then choose your timing well.

2) Identify when you need to say no

Are you someone who needs to learn to say no? In a situation where you feel pressure to say yes, but want to say no, clarify your “why”. You don’t have tell the other person why. If you know why you have to say no, it will help you find the strength and the words.

3) Honor your emotions

If you shove down your emotions, notice that habit. What is the emotion you are avoiding or hiding? Practice identifying the truth of your emotions, and the way you hide them from others. What are you missing out on, because of this? How are you and your relationships suffering? When you are ready, if the situation is safe, start telling key people how you really feel.

4) Get wise help and support

As mentioned above , unless you speak, no one can help you. Together you can uncover and explore your most important truths, and the people you need to say things to. They can help you improve your communication skills. They can help you to formulate how and when to share these truths in real life. A wise friend or mentor can do the same thing.

If you’ve spent a lifetime pretending and hiding, it can feel really awkward and messy when you start to speak your truth. It’s still worth it.

It takes too much energy to hold all that truth inside.

What a relief it is to be real, when you find the courage and wisdom to do it.

2. Be honest with yourself

Just stop lying to yourself, you should accept what you are going through, where you are, what are you doing. i am happy, I am the best, My company is the best, I am always right etc. humans tend to create positive impressions on themselves even though they are actually not. Sigmund Freud once said, "Being honest with oneself entirely is a good exercise."

However, most of us don't abide by this principle and we often struggle with negative self talk, lack of ambition, feeling submerged in a life of negativity and much more.

Being honest with yourself will not only fill your mind with positivity but it will affect the people around you. Honesty also helps you to know your blunders and improve them rather than accepting them as they are not any problems, stop thinking you are perfect in something. You will have a little scope of improvement in that. You should start accepting the situation first.

3. Having confidence

Confidence is a belief in oneself, the conviction that one has the ability to meet life's challenges and to succeed—and the willingness to act accordingly. Being confident requires a realistic sense of one’s capabilities and feeling secure in that knowledge.

Projecting confidence helps people gain credibility, make a strong first impression, deal with pressure, and tackle personal and professional challenges. It’s also an attractive trait, as confidence helps put others at ease.

Confidence is not a fixed characteristic. It’s an ability that can be acquired and improved over time.

Social confidence can be developed by practicing in social settings. Individuals can observe the structure and flow of any conversation before jumping in, and they can prepare questions or topics to discuss ahead of time. Anxiety can take hold when people are plagued by self-doubt, so putting themselves in and getting accustomed to the specific situation they fear can assure people that nothing truly bad will happen. And the activity gets easier with practice. Outside of a social context, one can gain a sense of confidence from personal and professional accomplishments. Continuing to set and meet goals can enable the belief that one is competent and capable.

How can I improve my confidence on a daily basis? Being confident means knowing that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you’ll face. Begin by acknowledging every emotion, including difficult emotions, rather than avoiding them. Speaking up for yourself, limiting self-criticism, and other strategies can help build emotional strength and confidence.

4. Listening

In today's high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more important then ever, yet we seem to devote less and less time to really listening to one another. Genuine listening has become a rare gift—the gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers. It saves money.

Here are 10 tips to help you develop effective listening skills.

1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

2. Be attentive, but relaxed.

3. Keep an open mind.

4. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.

5. Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."

6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.

7. Ask questions only to ensure understanding.

8. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.

9. Give the speaker regular feedback.

10. Pay attention to what isn't said—to nonverbal cues.

5. Managing your time

“Time management” is the process of organizing and planning how to divide your time between specific activities. Good time management enables you to work smarter – not harder – so that you get more done in less time, even when time is tight and pressures are high. Failing to manage your time damages your effectiveness and causes stress.

It seems that there is never enough time in the day. But, since we all get the same 24 hours, why is it that some people achieve so much more with their time than others? The answer lies in good time management.

The highest achievers manage their time exceptionally well. By using the time-management techniques in this section, you can improve your ability to function more effectively – even when time is tight and pressures are high.

Good time management requires an important shift in focus from activities to results: being busy isn’t the same as being effective. (Ironically, the opposite is often closer to the truth.)

Spending your day in a frenzy of activity often achieves less, because you’re dividing your attention between so many different tasks. Good time management lets you work smarter – not harder – so you get more done in less time.

“Time management” refers to the way that you organize and plan how long you spend on specific activities.

It may seem counter-intuitive to dedicate precious time to learning about time management, instead of using it to get on with your work, but the benefits are enormous:

Greater productivity and efficiency.
A better professional reputation.
Less stress.
Increased opportunities for advancement.
Greater opportunities to achieve important life and career goals.

6. Stop Whining

We all complain at times. Kids complain about their friends who didn’t talk to them at lunch, the teacher who was mean, the little brother who is always in their stuff, the science project that is so stupid. And we adults complain about our boss’ attitude, the work schedule, our partner always being late.

But for some folks, complaining seems to be a way of life. It's their default communication, from their opening comments when they hit the door at 6 till they finally fall asleep (and then complain the next morning about how poorly they slept), they never seem to stop. Being around such chronic complainers can be draining, annoying, frustrating. Why can’t they stop already?

We complain as way of relieving stress

This is what most of us are doing when we are complaining – we’re venting, saying to those close to us who we can drop our guard with, about life’s stressors that have been building up inside us. So, our kids complain about the mean teacher, we rant about our boss and the schedule, yap to our best friend about the sorry state of our sex life. Just by getting our disappointments, frustrations, angst out and feeling heard, we feel better.

We complain because we can’t solve the problem

Tom complains about his boss because he feels trapped in his job. Your son complains about his science project because he feels overwhelmed. When you’re feeling trapped and can’t see other options, when you feel anxious or hurt and lack the skills to solve the problem, or the courage to act, you fall into complaining.

We complain because we are depressed

The glass is always half-empty, the skies are always gray, we're stuck at the bottom of a well with no way out. Depression saps our energy, makes us see only all that not good, we expect only more of the same and develop a why-bother stance. We complain because that is all we feel we can do.

7. Self-discipline

One of the most important life skills to develop, for those just starting out in life (and everyone else!), is the skill of self-discipline.

It’s like a superpower: when I developed some self-discipline, I started exercising and eating healthier and meditating and writing more, I quit smoking and ran marathons, I started a blog and wrote books, I read more and work earlier, I decluttered and transformed my finances. I’m far from perfect, but I’ve learned a lot.

But if you don’t develop self-discipline, it causes problems: health problems, distraction, procrastination, financial problems, clutter, things piling up and overwhelming you, and much more.

So it’s such an important skill to develop, but most people don’t know where to start. This guide is aimed at helping you get started.

I’m writing it for my kids, and for anyone else who would like to develop a superpower.

The first question is, how do you even get motivated to start? Most of us don’t want to think about our lack of discipline, let alone take a bunch of actions.

For me, the motivation came from realizing that what I was doing wasn’t working. Ignoring the problems only made things worse. Trying to be disciplined but doing it half-assedly only resulted in me feeling bad about myself. Being wholly undisciplined was causing myself a bunch of pain.

Once you realize that you’re causing yourself pain … you might develop a whole-hearted intention to stop hurting yourself. You might say, “OK, that’s enough with making my life worse. Let’s try to make it less worse.”

With that in mind, you can tell yourself that you are going to:

Start taking small actions to make things better
Do the things that hurt you less
Push yourself into discomfort a little bit, so you can get better at this over time
Get good at self-discipline with some practice

Keep these things in mind as you practice, as you get the urge to not practice, and as you make mistakes and then want to give up.

8. Living at the present

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

One of the best, unforeseen consequences of simplifying our lives is it has allowed us to begin living our lives in the present moment.

Eliminating nonessential possessions has freed us from many of the emotions associated with past lives that were keeping us stuck. And clearing our home has allowed us the freedom to shape our lives today around our most important values.

Living in the present moment means no longer worrying about what happened in the past and not fearing what will happen in the future. It means enjoying what’s happening now and living for today.

Choosing to live in the past or the future not only robs you of enjoyment today, but it also robs you of truly living. The only important moment is the present moment.

With that goal in mind, consider this list of ten tips below on how to live in the moment.

How Do You Live in the Moment?

1. Remove unneeded possessions

2. Smile

3. Fully appreciate the moments of today

4. Forgive past hurts

5. Love your job

6. Dream about the future, but work hard today

7. Don’t dwell on past accomplishments

8. Stop worrying

9. Think beyond old solutions to problems

10. Conquer addictions

9. Good sleep

Sleeping well directly affects your mental and physical health. Fall short and it can take a serious toll on your daytime energy, productivity, emotional balance, and even your weight. Yet many of us regularly toss and turn at night, struggling to get the sleep we need. Getting a good night’s sleep may seem like an impossible goal when you’re wide awake at 3 a.m., but you have much more control over the quality of your sleep than you probably realize. Just as the way you feel during your waking hours often hinges on how well you sleep at night, so the cure for sleep difficulties can often be found in your daily routine.

Unhealthy daytime habits and lifestyle choices can leave you tossing and turning at night and adversely affect your mood, brain and heart health, immune system, creativity, vitality, and weight. But by experimenting with the following tips, you can enjoy better sleep at night, boost your health, and improve how you think and feel during the day.

Your behaviors during the day, and especially before bedtime, can have a major impact on your sleep. They can promote healthy sleep or contribute to sleeplessness.

Your daily routines – what you eat and drink, the medications you take, how you schedule your days and how you choose to spend your evenings – can significantly impact your quality of sleep. Even a few slight adjustments can, in some cases, mean the difference between sound sleep and a restless night. Completing a two-week sleep diary can help you understand how your routines affect your sleep.

The term “sleep hygiene” refers to a series of healthy sleep habits that can improve your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. These habits are a cornerstone of cognitive behavioral therapy, the most effective long-term treatment for people with chronic insomnia. CBT can help you address the thoughts and behaviors that prevent you from sleeping well. It also includes techniques for stress reduction, relaxation and sleep schedule management.

10. More Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.

As we know, it’s not the smartest people who are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual ability or your intelligence quotient (IQ) isn’t enough on its own to achieve success in life. Yes, your IQ can help you get into college, but it’s your EQ that will help you manage the stress and emotions when facing your final exams. IQ and EQ exist in tandem and are most effective when they build off one another.

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.